I’m unlike most people. I mostly don’t care about what people think. I don’t even know if people hate me or like me. As long as I’m in contact with people I like and (presumably) that like me back, I’m a step closer to general happiness.
But it’s not like this for most. As social beings, we want to feel accepted. We have to gauge our social relationships. We communicate with people at work. We get around with our neighbors. We mingle with our college “friends”. And the list goes on.
So what do we do when they hate us? Do you sulk in a dark corner and cut yourself off the world? Before you go hermit mode, I suggest read this first. This is what to do when people don’t like you.
It’s Healthy: It Shows Who You Are Compatible With
Believe it or not, being disliked is good for our body. Imagine molding yourself for your supposed friends just for their convenience. You don’t have to totally change your being for any person. If they really want to be with you, at the very least, they should accept some of your flaws. After all, they have them also.
It may be painful. But this rejection may sift out the real friends you’ve been longing to be with. The people worthy of your time and effort.
Do Not Feel Bad Forever. It Is Not Solely Your Fault
During this time, you might question your self-worth. Am I a horrible person? Why don’t they like me?
Know that it is ok to feel bad when you get rejected. Most of the time, it’s just that they don’t like certain aspects of your personality. It’s a preference thing.
Pretty much like some people don’t like pickles in their burgers. It’s not because the pickle is disgusting in itself. It’s just that they don’t jive with pickles in their burgers. Some even don’t like burgers at all. That’s just it.
Let them choose the food the way they like it. It’s fine.
But Still, Check Your Behavior
But it’s a different story if so many people hate you for it. It’s normal for humans to be defensive when you criticize them. And what’s frustrating is when a person doesn’t accept constructive criticism lightly.
In fact, instead of changing, they solidify their defenses and assure themselves that they are perfect beings.
If you find a pattern, ask the people you trust most. Do you really have this tendency? Give yourself an unbiased assessment. Lower your walls and hear them out. It might be you who has the problem.
Ask for Forgiveness if Necessary
If you find that you did something bad, ask for forgiveness. Apologize to your irritated friend. Again, we are not perfect. We are certainly going to offend people in our lifetime.
Allow yourself to be the better person. Ask for a friendly conversation. Ask questions.
“Did I Do Something to Offend You?”
Frame your questions in an open-ended and inoffensive manner. Let them speak their point of view without interrupting and defending. Show the person your intention to really sort this thing out.
Hopefully, you can resolve your differences in the conversation.
If Everything Else Fails, Does It Even Matter? Forgiving Yourself Is What Counts.
If after the conversation, s/he still hates your being. Again, it’s ok. You did what you what’s humanly possible to do. Know the advantages of the situation.
Just focus on positive things. Right now, you can spend more time with people who actually like you. You don’t need everyone’s approval.
Even if s/he doesn’t forgive you, as long as you have forgiven yourself, that’s what truly counts.